Poetry, playwriting, sculpture, radio mixing and life histories. I feel the impetus to be creative. I have ideas and energy and the tools. But I almost feel diluted in my effect as a person when I'm trying to employ so many mediums at once. I feel lost in the anxiety of the creative process, without the trust that its going to lead anywhere, because I'm new at everything!
Being new at everything as a senior in college brings with it its own anxieties and feelings of inadequacy. It's not all that unfamiliar a story at Sarah Lawrence. I came back to the US from spending a year abroad strictly studying continental philosophy and ethics. I don't find it a fault that I wanted to spend a year pushing myself to create, rather than critique. But I think I did lack focus. I DO lack focus.
I think that's been the cause of my anxiety this semester. I feel unfocused and unchanneled. Which has of course leaked into all the different aspects of my life and caused tensions and problems. But the more I remind myself that this is necessary, that this period of unknowing is just as necessary as all the steps that came before or will come after, I breath a little easier.